VERDICT: “CASE OF THE SACRED SHIRT”
All rise! Runner’s Court is now back in session.
Yesterday we heard the “Case of the Sacred Shirt,” about whether or not the legacy shirt at the Hollywood Half Marathon was subject to the “Forbidden Shirt” protocol.
Evidence was presented, and solid arguments were made by both the prosecution and defense. Once closing arguments were read, the case was left in the hands of the jury… namely all of you… to decide the outcome.
I’ve tabulated the responses and a verdict has been reached. First let me say that the reader feedback was even better than I could have possibly hoped, with passionate pleas made by both sides that did indeed sway people’s opinions.
And here’s just a smattering of quotes from the jury (and others):
- “The Legacy shirt definitely falls under the unwritten rule of not wearing a race shirt until you’ve earned it!!” – Gregg C.
- “There’s rules in running?” -John G.
- “Finally I’m a juror!! No readback or lengthy jury instructions!! Guilty as charged!!” -Leanne O.
- “You can’t handle the truth!” -General Nathan J.
- “What a litigious nation we are. abstained…” -Boris T.
- “I’m out of order. You’re out of order, this whole court is out of order.” -Arthur K.
- “I say ‘Guilty,’ and now I’m going to sit quietly and wait for a chance to go all ‘Run-pundit.'” -Alan T.
- “That is not the mojo shirt since that is not the earned shirt. Legit for running in; then after race, the earned shirt is worn!” -Jacqueline B.
- “You pay for the goods, they are yours.” -Monica x 2
- “Well, you can do what you you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!” -Eric S. aka “Otter”
- “Uh… everything that guy just said is bullshit… Thank you.” -Vincent G.
With that said, the jury has indeed spoken.
By a vote of 59% to 41% (with about a half dozen abstentions and several people wondering if I’d been dropped on my head as a child) the verdict is:
The “Legacy Shirt” is subject to the “Forbidden Shirt” Protocol and those who wear it (prior to the completion of the race where they receive it) risk the potential wrath of the running gods.
However, as I was about to pass sentencing, Zeus himself (representing the running gods) stood up and asked for an aside. He’s stated that while the running gods are supposed to “smite” anyone breaking the rule, they’re going to let things slide in this one instance.
When I asked why they’re granting amnesty, he lifted up his robe to show that he himself was wearing a Hollywood Half legacy shirt underneath. He thinks it’s really cool too (oh and for the record, Zeus was wearing pants… it’d be too horrific to imagine him running around Mount Olympus “commando.”
So while by the letter of runner’s law it is indeed a crime to wear the Hollywood Half Marathon legacy shirt before the race, enforcement and punishment for this crime will most likely fall somewhere between ripping the tag off of your mattress or sneaking a Nestle’s Crunch bar into a movie theater.
Court is now adjourned… and Run on!
(Please be sure to submit any offenses that you think should be tried in Runner’s Court).
Posted on April 8, 2014, in General, Humor, Runner's Court and tagged "Commando", Forbidden Shirt Protocol, Hollywood Half Marathon, Zeus. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on VERDICT: “CASE OF THE SACRED SHIRT”.